twenty-seven: my pseudo popo

I've always been envious of my friends who have large families that always seem to have family events. Don't get me wrong, I do have a large family and we do have our own rituals such as Sunday afternoon dimsum, it's just that everyone lives in HK... and for some reason we're still stuck here. In many ways our friends here have filled some of the roles of family, and there are a few in particular that I hold especially close. The other day was the memorial service for my psuedo popo, or basically the closest person I've ever had to a grandmother, and a flood of memories has come back to me.

She was the one who looked after me when my mom was finishing her Masters and my dad had to support the family by working. I have vague memories of my time spent there, but I definitely remember the stories. I was one of those kids that loved to lie in bed with my parents before I fell asleep and I would ask them to tell me stories about myself (I know, narcissistic much?) and some of my favourite are with my popo. 

She always had a jar of candy, that my mom would forbid me to eat from, so whenever my dad would come and pick me up I'd always offer him some of that candy and I knew if he accepted it I would be able to eat some too. She knew how much I liked to eat, so she was there when I told my first lie, that I can't even remember telling (yup, kids can definitely start lying at a young age!), and my reason for lying was so I could go out for dinner with popo that night. She would sit there patiently as I explained to her my theory on how alligators were evil, and how we should be on alert in case one were ever to attack. She watched me grow up from a bumbling toddler to who I am today.

 

She continued to remember who I was even after the Alzheimer started to kick in, and every year her kids came back to town I would go to her family dinner. I was always invited to her birthday dinners as well, and I'm so thankful I had a chance to celebrate her 84th birthday this past year, even though it had to be moved up a few weeks. She exemplified a life well lived to the fullest potential. No, her name probably isn't one of recognition, and her achievements are nothing extraordinary in the eyes of the world, but she loved those around her. She loved her family, and she loved others. Because of her, I've been blessed with people in my life that I probably wouldn't have met if it weren't for her. She was one of those people who you knew genuinely cared about you when she asked about what was going on in your life. If I get to grow old and become a Chinese grandma, I'd want to be one like you.

twenty-six: I get into cars with strangers

I know this probably wasn't one of my finest moves. And in all fairness I've only done it thrice, and one time pretty much doesn't count since the strangers were friends of friends. Another time I was on vacation in a tourist filled place, and it was the back of a truck. There was one time though were I did get into a car with a complete stranger. Maybe I trust people too much? It turned out ok, and to me it actually seems kind of odd that we live in a society where getting into a car with strangers is considered taboo.

I don't think I normally would get into a car with a stranger, but that day I had parked really far away from the university and I had a long trek ahead of me. It was also miserably cold outside. As I was walking a man driving a black sedan honked and rolled down his window. He asked me if I was going to the university, and I said yes. He then proceeded to offer me a ride, and I gladly accepted. The drive wasn't terribly long and our conversation consisted of him asking me where my class was, and what I was taking. He also proceeded to tell me he still remembers when he had to park far away and walk to classes. He was just a nice old guy doing something nice for a fellow human being. Why does society find that so odd? Maybe we're all just too wrapped up in our lives to notice those around us. I wish there were more people like him, because strangers are people too. That's probably why I'm often so freaked out by public transportation... it seems so unnatural to have hundreds of people moving in the same direction but with almost no interaction at all. Everyone is just so focused on getting there, they can forget to see what is presently in front of them.

Thanks for reminding me to pay attention to those around me.

twenty-five: because of her I will be meeting Beverly McLachlin tomorrow =)

Ok I think I have to make a concession, this isn't going to be finished in 3 years... but I guess I'll just add whenever I feel the urge so I have something to look back on. I don't know when I stopped writing in my journal (maybe when life just got too busy), and I'm finding my memory is getting crowded out with all the stuff they make me learn at school. Honestly, I don't know why I'm there half the time... but after working in the summer I have gotten to see another side of law and justice and I feel some relief knowing that there's so much more out there than I first thought. I definitely have people to thank for that.

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Several years ago a judge noticed yet another deficiency in our imperfect legal system, but instead of writing about it or studying it she decided to go out there and do something to change the way things are done. For a city and province that is more left than right, it is scary to think this kind of program has not existed until now. People have been falling through the cracks of the system by being 'self-represented litigants'. Using the term 'self-representing litigant' is really just a euphemism for unrepresented, or in a more practical sense - screwed.

I've been told by countless graduates that when you enter the work world you really realize how little you know, but even the bit of knowledge we've learned in school is leaps and bounds beyond what your average person who can't afford a lawyer knows when they set off to navigate the twists and turns of 'justice'. Is it really justice? No, of course not and as a person of influence that judge was able to set into motion something that could revolutionize the lackadaisical approach it seems the law firms in this city approach Pro Bono work.

She rallied up the leaders in the community, and was able to mobilize people with the same vision with her. And my favourite part of all about this story is as she was doing something she is passionate about on her one year sabbatical, others were drawn to her. Sometimes in the most bizarre of circumstances. One involving two people who just happened to be on the same flight home from Toronto, who had gotten to actually know each other beyond a typical student/teacher relationship because the student couldn't find a job right away and spent some time in the summer following an interesting court case. 

She was also able to spark my interest in the law in a way no textbook or even the most articulate Supreme Court decision ever could. Sometimes reading about people with the labels of plaintiff, defendant, accused, takes away from the human aspect of the law. But studying the law through the eyes of someone in poverty, now that is eye-opening. Thanks for helping me find a glimmer of hope to hold on to as I trudge through the motions of learning without actually doing. You have inspired me, and your confidence in me has made me realize the world is my oyster. Thanks for always looking out for me too, your emails always bring a smile to my face. Especially the one I got today about your plans to button-hole Chief Justice Beverly McLachlin tomorrow for an introduction :)

twenty-four: we met in jail

One of the great things about being a law student is the exposure to all these different parts of the legal system you may never end up dealing with once you're out in practice. Earlier this year we had a chance to go judge shadowing and we also had a chance to do a tour of the Remand Centre. For those of you who don't know, this is supposed to be a temporary place to house the accused until he/she makes bail. In reality it has in its own way become a sub-par holding place of people who shouldn't be there such as the poor old guy with Alzheimer who pushed his wife while in a state of confusion.

Being on the inside was only slightly similar to how it is portrayed in the movies. Though I suppose the lock-down that happened while I was there was a much more dramatic experience than what I thought would happen on the tour. We were given a tour by a guard, and this one guy has boosted my views on guards and those in power in law enforcement. He dispelled the stereotype I had built up in my mind of the kinds of people who go into that line of work.

He told us he sees his job as only a small part of his life, and the key thing to remember is to treat everyone with respect. Working for him is not about getting an ego boost, or feeling a sense of superiority. Rather as he put it, he's seeing these people regularly for quite some period of time and respecting them is critical to keeping things in control. Respect does not mean being a push over, or trying to be someone's friend. Respect is just about treating someone how you would want to be treated, civilly and decently. Simple as that. It's also a good lesson really for any workplace, or any human encounter really.

twenty-three: first love, maybe (double post of goodness today)

Well since 100 does eventually need to be reached I thought I'd include this one as well since it seems to tie into the theme of the night.

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You always hear people say they never forget their first love. I don't know if I've had one yet but I did have a first relationship. It has been years now and I finally feel like I can look back without any emotional bias as to what happened.

If I could have a do-over I actually wouldn't choose to have one, because so much of that has shaped who I am today. I didn't think it would... but it you could always call me out on the crazy things I did and be patient enough to wait out my answer. Your one virtue that always constantly amazed me was your patience, and your tolerance of some of the drama I put you through. If I had the chance I would tell you in person that I am truly and completely sorry, and I will if the opportunity ever presents itself.

You changed me more than you probably even know, and without getting into detail I experienced some of the greatest reliefs to be able to share parts of myself with you. Things I thought I would keep tucked away in the back of a deep dark closet forever. Some may think it was all for naught, considering you are but a stranger to me now. But you really challenged me to look deeper into myself and expose the good and the bad. I wish I could say I challenged you as well...

You inspired me with your ability to express your emotions so freely, even though it is not a manly thing to do. I remember all those times I'd try to convince you it's much better to keep it bottled up inside, but in the end you were right. Your devotion to your family and those you hold close is something I'm working on getting to the same level as you. Sometimes I wonder what you're up to, and I hope that wherever you are that you're happy and content.

twenty-two: my stalker/stalkee?

A friend asked me about my blog today, and since I already wrote today off as a day where I wasn't going to get any work done and I want to do things that I enjoy I thought I'd add a new post.

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Maybe it's a bit fresh to be posting this, but I feel confident that my readership had reached a nice low that this post may just got undetected. And really this is for me.

I met someone once, and it was a bit of a fairy tale. We were two strangers brought together by the strange twist of fate that is better known as Internet stalking. To be fair, it was not my fault he happened to just pop up in articles I just happened to read, and I felt a weird compulsion to message him. It seemed ok at the time, and I guess it was since, we developed some weird Internet friendship.

Maybe it should have stayed at that, but living in a city where everyone seems to know everyone we would inevitably meet. We had some epic long dates, where I felt I could just be myself and have a lot of fun doing just about anything and in some ways it just felt like it was meant to be. After all we were brought together in such an uncanny way and I felt comfortable enough within a short span of time I agreed to go to a family dinner. Trust me that is definitely not normal, since my commitment-phobia radar normally goes off at the thought of meeting the family.

We were strangely similar, yet we had enough of our own interests to make learning about each other interesting. In a lot of ways I was eerily reminded of myself in you, and one would think that would be a perfect match (at least you'd be able to understand my silent phone conversations).

I admired a lot of your qualities: your drive, your laid-back demeanor, your self-deprecating humour, your ability to get along with my friends, your independence... your ability to remain calm and collected or as some would say cold-hearted. In many ways you embodied everything I naturally want to gravitate towards being, but at the same time I know that being that person would also be my downfall.

Thanks for showing me once again how much I need other people in my life to know me on more than just a superficial level, especially those who are close to me. Thanks for reminding me that every choice has a risk, and that some of the biggest risks I have had to take have provided me with the greatest returns. Sometimes things do just happen, but sometimes you have to make them happen.Thanks for opening up at least a small part of yourself, so I know you're capable of it because one of the greatest joys is just sharing life with those around you. Thanks for making me that much closer to being able to articulate what it is I want for myself and what I want in a relationship.

twenty-one: heartbreaker

It's not every day you have the chance to meet someone who will just break your heart. Today I spent my morning on a bus collecting kids for a day program and handing out sandwiches. The bus took me to parts of town I didn't even recognize and it seemed like an entirely different city. I have never seen kids so eager to be touched and listened to.

There was one little girl who was really clingy and throughout the course of the morning she managed to tell me her life story. She is 7 going on 8, and is currently giving up sweet foods not because she's on a diet or she doesn't like them but because they make her teeth hurt. One look at the amount of missing teeth and fillings and that statement makes perfect sense. She likes going to beach, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and tickling her little sister. She seemed so oblivious to the obvious hardships of her life, besides the fact that she said she hated her dad because he was mean.

At first I was a bit turned off by the dirty clothes, the smell, and the wild hair. But since she climbed right up on my lap there wasn't much I could do... except to listen and to make conversation with her. It was actually pretty easy, and really she was just like any other kid whose world is a their oyster. This really surprised me because she was at the age where one generally becomes aware of the surrounding circumstances and hers do not seem to be in her favour. Growing up in public housing, parents' who allow their kids to go to a program where a) no criminal record check was done on myself (and probably the other volunteers as well), b) there was no training provided,and relying on others to feed her, are probably not what most people experience at that age.

I wonder what her future has in store, because it's going to be a tough one where the path of least resistance would be to repeating the footsteps of her parents. It breaks my heart that the statistics are against her and I wonder if she'll turn out ok. I hope she does.

twenty: there are benefits to being an insomniac

OK I'm going to try to do a quick blog before my new bed time deadline... So far I've moved from 6am to 4am and hopefully tonight will be 2am. I had forgotten one of the biggest benefits of staying up late is being able to catch my HK friends online and the other night I had a very interesting talk about incest, the caste system of India, and arranged marriage with one such friend.

I don't remember when I met her, but I remember many many nights of heading to the library after dinner until close, looking around for free common rooms to watch the only English TV program - C.S.I, eating McDonald's ice cream at every possible occasion, taking photos silly photos with mac's photo booth, etc. She could make the most routine tasks fun, and I have always admired how she could have good wholesome fun. Being one of the most devote Muslims I know she is one of the few I know who can balance her beliefs with a realistic life without being hypocritical.

The other night she told me of a choice she had to make, and I found her choice to be extremely challenging for me to swallow. If I were in a similar position I don't know if I would have been able to be the bigger person and brush aside my concerns for the betterment of the entire family balance. Apparently it's a cultural thing, but it is also very much a personal thing because cultural expectations are lower for those who don't grow up in the motherland (or at least that's how it is in my family).

I wish I could be more like that sometimes, less headstrong and more in tune with my cultural background. I think in some cases it is better to be submissive than to burn bridges that can never be mended. I'm proud that you were able to hold your anger in line and find other avenues to let it out without hurting your family, and I know your future has only better things to offer.

nineteen: sick day

There's nothing quite like your body crapping out after 8 months of intense 7 full year course workload. All I can say is I'm so happy this wasn't last week and since I'm basically confined to my room I can finally catch up on e-mails, phone tag, blogging, and watching Glee :) I can't remember the last time I was this sick (4 days and counting...), but I do remember an equally memorable sick day.

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One hot summer day my friends convinced me to go to the Morden Corn & Apple festival, a nice small town festival where you can eat free corn and drink free apple juice. Over all the experience was what I expected it to be some sleeping in the car, awful pictures being snapped up by camera happy Asians, good times with good friends. It was definitely a stereotypical festival in a small prairie town, complete with city folk leaving their confines of suburbia to enjoy the nice fresh country air.

Oh the nice fresh country air of farmers burning their crops... after many years of being asthma free and a diagnosis from my doctor telling me I had outgrown childhood asthma I could not stop coughing that icky gross phlegm-y smoker's cough. My friends were quick to dismiss my claims for being sick and the night proceeded like most nights out with my besties. That was until I got home... and all I could do was send them a quick text message saying I was going to the ER and then I left my phone at home because of the no cell phone policy in hospitals. (Sorry for the panic caused by that guys!!)

I can't say it was my idea to go to the hospital, so it's a good thing my dad laid down the law and drove me there at 2am. That's the kind of guy he is though, quiet but always reliable to do the things that need to be done. He may not always feel that he can talk to me, perhaps it's a bit of that awkward generation gap immigrants tend to face when their children grow up in a different culture than them, but he always makes an effort to try to communicate with me. Even if it means calling up my uncle to call me to see if I'm partying too much in LKF.

One of my favourite memories was one year for his birthday my mom and sister happened to be off jet-setting in Asia (as usual), and he decided to take me and my best friends out for dinner for his birthday. We had a great time introducing the wonders of Chinese tea and chopsticks to my friends, and it made me realize that my dad really tried to reach out to me even during my teenage years of thinking I was too cool to share my life with my parents.

While I can't remember the last time he verbally said the words 'I love you' I know his actions speak that every day. His unwavering support for my academic dalliances, my 'need' to travel to Europe, and all the overall struggles a kid can face trying to gain independence from her parents while still being very much dependent on them has been amazing. Thanks for always knowing when to push me and when to give me space. Thanks for always being a great example of what it means to care for someone, it is really touching that you and mom continually go out of your way to do things for others.

I will always remember this one lady I met at the hospital during the dinner rounds who mentioned you without even knowing that we were related. To her you were just the nice guy who helped describe her procedure in Chinese and she just wanted to know if I could speak Chinese as well. Well thanks to you I can!

eighteen: mystery woman from Winnipeg

I always hear that Winnipeg has the nicest people, and perhaps I'm a bit biased but having been to many different places I have to say there is something nice about the small town feel of home. Sometimes I miss the big city feel of Hong Kong where you can get lost in the crowd and be 1 in 7 million, but then I remember all the great things that make me have a love-hate relationship with Winnipeg. Today I have a love story.

Several months ago I was having a bit of a down day and I needed a pick-me-up so I bought myself a nice bracelet. No it wasn't just a cheap accessory from Claire's, it was a silver charm bracelet that cost less than my computer but more than my PS3 to give you an idea. The sales lady carefully wrapped it up for me and I threw it in my car to run a few errands. Little did I know that somehow it had made its way from my passenger seat to out my door and onto the muddy Costco car park.

While I was doing my grocery shopping at Costo some lady spotted the Appelt's bag in the parking lot and took the time to find my name and address on the receipt. She then delivered it to my house and returned the bag to my very confused sister. I can honestly say that's something that has only ever happened to me in Winnipeg. It's so nice to live in a place where people are moving at a pace that allows them to take a detour in their plans to drop off a lost item. I never got to thank this mysterious woman who seriously made my day and saved me from panicking over loosing something that has quite a bit of sentimental value. So here is my thanks, and I will always think of you when I am given a chance to pay it forward with something nice =)

XVI - catch up time!

So I hit a bit of a blogging fail once school started up and I didn't even post any canned entries for quite some time. So it's now time to catch up or I'll never make it to 100!

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I recently read an article in the WSJ about breaking up with a friend and I was reminded of such a person in my life. Looking back I can say the feelings I have now are very different than a break up from a romantic relationship, or even a natural falling out between friends growing apart. I hope this friend realizes one day that for my sake I had to end it but it doesn't mean I haven't learned a lot from her, even now I can say we've spent many more years as friends than we have as acquaintances.

One of the characteristics I most admire and at the same time shy away from is your extreme self-reliance. You are the definition of a self-empowered woman, and your confidence is the kind that can blow people away. Over all the years I have never seen you fail to attain a goal you have set and you have worked so hard for all you have gained. You are incredibly powerful with your influence and that was the beginning of the end. I wish I could be more like you sometimes, but relying on others to help me has become a routine in my life... and I really needed you there for some hard times but you weren't there.

I know we had a bit of a routine, I was the cheery happy-go-lucky one, and you were the realistic somewhat pessimistic one. I don't know if we are both the same people today and I hope you haven't become more jaded in your views of the world. My fondest memory of you will always been our random conversations dissecting the male mind and over analyzing every encounter we had with a potential interest. It was always fun to mask any dissappointment with the fact we were both going to be successful professionals that did not need a relationship to fill any gaps in our lives.

However when I realized you still held a grudge against an ex five years after the fact and after a awfully short relationship I knew I could not go through my first break up with you. I'm sad to think I had to lose you as a friend to move on from my own ex, but I don't think I could be who I am today if I was still holding a grudge or any kind of bad feelings towards him. I know my first serious boyfriend did not live up to your expectations, or mine, but I also know that holding on to any angry feelings would prevent me from moving on. I hope you too have been able to let go of all the hurts you've been hiding under your confidence... i.m.u.