twenty-three: first love, maybe (double post of goodness today)

Well since 100 does eventually need to be reached I thought I'd include this one as well since it seems to tie into the theme of the night.

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You always hear people say they never forget their first love. I don't know if I've had one yet but I did have a first relationship. It has been years now and I finally feel like I can look back without any emotional bias as to what happened.

If I could have a do-over I actually wouldn't choose to have one, because so much of that has shaped who I am today. I didn't think it would... but it you could always call me out on the crazy things I did and be patient enough to wait out my answer. Your one virtue that always constantly amazed me was your patience, and your tolerance of some of the drama I put you through. If I had the chance I would tell you in person that I am truly and completely sorry, and I will if the opportunity ever presents itself.

You changed me more than you probably even know, and without getting into detail I experienced some of the greatest reliefs to be able to share parts of myself with you. Things I thought I would keep tucked away in the back of a deep dark closet forever. Some may think it was all for naught, considering you are but a stranger to me now. But you really challenged me to look deeper into myself and expose the good and the bad. I wish I could say I challenged you as well...

You inspired me with your ability to express your emotions so freely, even though it is not a manly thing to do. I remember all those times I'd try to convince you it's much better to keep it bottled up inside, but in the end you were right. Your devotion to your family and those you hold close is something I'm working on getting to the same level as you. Sometimes I wonder what you're up to, and I hope that wherever you are that you're happy and content.