35: the super grateful client

I can't write much about my work. Client confidentiality. That's definitely a good thing, but also a bit weird because I never really know what to do when I see a client around town. It's a small city and it's bound to happen sooner or later. I definitely meet people from all walks of life. Some who don't have legal problems. Some who have legal problems but have waited too long. And some who have legal problems and show up at the last possible minute before their court date tomorrow. It does not take much for one to imagine the kinds of people who walk through the door of a free legal clinic located in one of the poorest, crime ridden neighbourhoods in the city. Point and case, in the past week 2 of our staff have had to call the cops for incidents they have seen walking around our workplace neighbourhood.

Sometimes it's really draining to go to work after a long week, but there's always the odd person that makes going to work so worthwhile. This week I had a client come back after meeting with me only a few days before guidebook in hand and court forms in the other. He had already started filling them out, and was so happy to know that he was finally on the right track to getting the solution he was looking for. He basically told me he wouldn't have known where to go or what to do if he hadn't come to us, so yes it is nice to know that we're making a difference. It's funny how helping someone in a small way is really empowering them to take that information and do what it is they need to do. If I was facing some of the problems I see clients facing I would just want to hire a lawyer and "make it go away." It's good to see people taking ownership of their lives in a day and age where throwing the blame around seems so much easier. 

34: my internet buddy!

My blog was mentioned to me today. I know blogger is so 5 years ago, now it's all about tumblr, twitter, and the power of the re-blog (re-tweet) and (shudder) memes and other fleeting bits of entertainment. Whatever happened to original thought provoking content? It still lives here on my blog :) which is still going to be finished this year!

I don't have too many internet friends. The very term "internet friends" makes me think of "To Catch a Predator" or random chat rooms back in the day when I was still using dial-up to access the internet. I do have one that I chat with every so often because we were connected through a mutual friend playing L4D. It's weird because if I don't log on to the internet I really don't know much about what is going on his day to day. I don't imagine it differs much from what he presents me, computer programmer by day and aspiring writer, artist, game developer at night. He always has his hand dabbling in some pet project, since he finds so much more fulfillment doing things he enjoys. Being a code monkey in the morning is how he funds this other activities. 

One of his most inspiring projects was the completion of his novel. Thanks to the advent of technology and the ease of producing small quantities of customizable books he was able to publish it through Amazon. I bought a copy to support him, and it is currently sitting on my bookshelf with a bookmark in it... but it will be read. The sheer fact he put his mind to writing a piece of sci-fi and took the time to format it into a book is pretty commendable. It's not to say his day job isn't demanding either, because I'm sure it is. Kudos to him for producing something he thinks is of value and he enjoys doing. Way too many people hold back from doing things like that because they're scared of failure, but really the learning happens along the way. Failure is still a success, as in you can learn from it if you let yourself. 

Well I hope we do get to meet one day in person. In fact I will make a point to crash at his place if I end up applying/getting interviews for interesting jobs where he lives. So here's a quick lesson for anyone is afraid to reach out to people they don't really know. Don't be, everyone you know was a stranger to you once, and only when one of you reached out to get to know the other person did that change.

33: the people you see in Court that actually inspire you

I'm finally at the 1/3rd mark. Still not on schedule, but I have a nice canned post that I found today while searching my one note for saved online banking questions. Of course I have the passwords written down, but not the ridiculous security questions that I chose at the time. What? My favourite video game isn't tetris, mario, or anything on my Steam account? And why would I chose a question like, what high school did your spouse/partner attend? Umm I'm pretty sure I don't have a spouse... Well I have effectively been shut out from all 3 of my online banking institutions, I digress. I'll now c & p the blurb I wrote contemporaneously to when I was writing an essay on my judge shadowing experience last year.

--

I think the hardest part about being a lawyer is having to keep all the interesting client stories to yourself. Understandably these people come to you in the strictest confidence and any breach of that means your job is on the line as most of what you hear will either be very personal or very confidential in a business setting. I mean lawyers will always talk about their clients in a broad sense to other lawyers, sometimes comparing nightmares and difficult clients, but for the most part you're a holder a secrets. That is unless it goes to court - phew! There everything comes out to the public and is on the record and archived til who knows when.

We watched uncontested divorces in court today. Nothing special, and quite routine for a Family Court Judge. The people waited in the gallery until it was their turn, some with their lawyers. Some by themselves. All had an exhausted look on their face. The group of us law students perched eagerly taking notes were definitely the odd ones out. The cases were pretty standard, and the couples both represented by lawyers were granted their divorce in a smooth manner. 

There was one couple that really stood out for me. She was young, maybe a year or two older than me with three children. Her ex was probably around 40 and is the definition of deadbeat dad. He was working a low paying dead end job, that he eventually got let go from it because he was skipping work too often. He proceeded to move back into his elderly mother's house. He wasn't paying child support, which was what they were hoping to settle at the petition for divorce.

I wonder how she met him and what their story is. She seems like a bright girl and her testimony was clear and coherent. She was definitely on the young side to be a single mom of three, but she was optimistic about making it work. For her the first step was leaving this guy who was just tying her down and treating her like crap. They obviously met when she was quite young, and probably impressionable. Perhaps he caught her in a moment of vulnerability and exploited that. I suspect the first pregnancy came shortly afterwards, and the right thing to do was to get married. It wasn't the right thing though, as he wasn't supportive and was even abusive. She had the courage to leave though and continue on her way making the best with what was given to her. No road map in hand. Maybe some limited support. Three children in tow. 

Good for her, forging on ahead on what will most likely be a hard path. She'll probably hit roadblocks and obstacles, but after walking away from something like this she's that much more resilient. I hope she does have some support in place, because to do this on her own may not be possible (I know I wouldn't be able to). She may never see a dime of child support, and she may be in and out of family court fighting for what is owed to her children by their father. She will probably be facing a long up hill battle. But the judge left her with some encouraging parting words, and behind the scenes he said he felt hopeful for her. I think he had to say that, or days spent listening to families get torn apart just grate on you. 

32: a love story

It just kind of hit that it's already 2011, and since I started this weak attempt to blog in 2008 this is the year to wrap it up. Then all I need to figure out is how to preserve this for me and delete it off the interwebs. In an attempt to increase my postings I'll make more of an effort to dig up old material. This one probably should've been published closer to Valentine's day (or the alternative singles appreciation day), at least I'm still in the month of February.

There are many faces you see in the hospital. Some look scared. Some look tired. Some become familiar as they linger on floor four waiting for whatever comes next. There have been many memorable encounters over my years there but not often is there a love story behind the people I see. More often than not the people there are alone, waiting, perhaps hoping for a visitor. I don't know what the statistics are that you'll be admitted to a hospital around the same time as your elderly spouse for entirely different causes. But it must be nice to be able to be there at the same time with someone who has done life with you going through the same thing. Ok, maybe nice isn't quite the right word as I mean it in more of a comforting way.

I didn't know you were one half of a pair when you first requested to eat your dinner outside in the hallway. It may seem a bit odd, but understandable as the hallway is the social watering hole of a hospital floor if you don't count the almost always empty "lounge" at one end. Sitting outside could guarantee interaction with others who may pass your way. Then you told me your reason for sitting outside was that you could spend time with your wife who was not so conveniently located in a room across the hall. There you were, the two of you eating your pureed food sitting across from one other. Close enough to see the other, but not quite close enough to touch.

I wonder what your story is, like how long have you been together? Guessing by your age it's safe to say you two have spent more than half your lives together, yet you don't seem tired of each other. You still seek out the other person's companionship. You still enjoy being in each other's presence. Your love for each other is evident. Old people in love are absolutely adorable, and it gives me hope that there is such a thing as love that lasts a life time. I'm sure this old pair have gone through their own shares of trials and tribulations but they've been able to come out together. They exemplify the kind of couples where each person makes the effort to choose the other person every day. Sure it's easier to just eat dinner alone in bed in front of a tv, the characters are probably more entertaining and you can pick and choose what you want to watch. Yet, this couple would rather sit there across from each other even though it's obvious their minds aren't as sharp as they used to be, their looks are no where near their prime, and they've had years of dinner conversations behind them.

Part of me wants this, someday.

thirty-one: the crazy one

Hmmm the title I gave this one is nicer than what it ought to be, but alas enough time has passed where I see her and I feel indifferent. Sometimes I even feel a tinge of curiosity to see where exactly she is these days. I could give her some nasty labels, but it's not really worth my energy. She used to be someone I looked up to. She put on a great show of being the perfect daughter, sister, friend. From the outside you'd think she had it all together, but slowly through the years she grew bitter and we grew apart. I think back to when we were both young and probably a tad big naive and we were kind of the same. I could see a lot of myself in her, except for her outward anger.

She lashed out at me more than once, and while a good scolding may have been justifiable under the circumstances she always lacked the manners to do it in the appropriate time and place. I've always wondered why she felt a need to publicly shame others. Maybe it was her way of asserting dominance and power. Maybe she just lacked that bit of social grace. Maybe she just didn't care that from an outsiders point of view it is almost never ok to make someone cry on a bus full of people. It's also not ok to broadcast to the church what wrongs you suspect of someone. You should also never go over to your friend's house in rage and terrorize her to the point where years have passed but you were the only person in your family left off the wedding invite list. Interrogating your younger brother's crush also crosses some strange boundaries that  did more harm than good. 

I know the truth is you never saw yourself the way you should have. You struggled with your self-worth, identity,  and you were too proud to ask for help. It was always better to put on the brave face, then to admit defeat. It was always better to pretend things were ok then to admit that they weren't. It was always easier to point out other people's faults then realizing that the very things you point out in them are the things you despise about yourself. 

There's a dream you've always held on to, and it's about to be fulfilled, and I hope you realize soon that it's not as hyped up as you think it is. It's one day, which is in a way a cumulation of the past days but it is certainly no predictor of future days. I hope for you it does bring you lots of happiness and joy, but that one day you find that others cannot give you continual feel-good feelings. Other people will disappoint you, and you will disappoint them, and it's ok. I think that's where we parted ways because you would hold on too tightly to the negative feelings instead of letting them go and acknowledging that humans by nature will hurt each other. Maybe one day when you push yet another person away forever you'll start to see that more clearly. But for the sake of those around you, I hope it doesn't come to that. I wish I could say I see a faint glimpse of what used to be good in you, but you've rejected that side of you and buried it deep.

Next time when I see you I'll continue to smile, because despite all you've done for me I'm still in a good place. You've helped toughen me up, oddly enough. Thankfully not too much though because there was a time where I was probably a few bad decisions away from turning into someone I don't want to be. 

thirty: you are so strong!

I've spent an exorbitant amount of time on my computer this week, working on a paper and procrastinating since it is reading week. Somehow that ended up in a new sleep pattern, which was probably a good thing because I was able to chat with a friend the other night. He's not someone I'm particularly close to, we've hung out a few times, exchanged a few emails, and now we're even chatting and texting. I guess you could say we were brought together in the worst of circumstances, which is something too private to reveal online.

It's been comforting to go through some of the same stuff together though, even though our outcomes could not be any different. I wouldn't want to trade places with him, but to say I haven't imagined the possibility would be a lie. I am so amazed at how strong he has been since his world was turned upside down. He's taken time off from school and focused all his energy on what was needed of him for two years. I could barely manage through one semester... He has found ways to encourage me, even when I should be the one encouraging him. I know you can make it through this, and remember when you feel you can't take another step there are many of us who want to support you. And I promise I'll be there, I'm just 10 digits away.

Take your time to feel sad, angry, relieved, whatever. Don't deny yourself the chance a good cry. Only those who are truly strong are capable of showing their emotions and vulnerabilities. I know this is probably one of the toughest things you'll ever have to face, and it's probably extra hard when you're young. It's probably something that will always be a small trickle of conscious thought in your day-to-day but the emotions will become less intense with time. Remember you are strong and you have made it this far.

twenty-nine: odd guy out

Grades 6,7,8 are generally pretty awful years for just about everyone. Puberty hits and everything seems to go awry. People who used to be friends turn into enemies are cliques are formed. Most people find their way around this time with the support of a few good friends. Others aren't so lucky, including S. I met him in grade 6 and looking back I can't even remember if I ever talked to him in the 3 years we went to school together. That's kind of sad for a small elementary and jr. high school.

S. stood out in the years when everyone is just trying to imitate the cool kids so they'll be accepted. He couldn't help it because sometime in his past he had brain cancer. His hair never quite grew back from whatever surgery he may have had, so his wispy comb-over look was definitely out of place when the look of the day was the bowl cut with the part down the middle. S also carried some baby fat, and wasn't graced with athletic talent. In the world of jr. high pecking order he was right at the bottom. People made fun of him, avoided him, ignored him, and probably made his life miserable. That much I do remember.

He kept to himself, and was perceived as socially awkward. I don't think at that time we understood that the collective whole was probably fueling this cycle of his being awkward. He never had a chance to shine, because there would always be someone around to put him down. Funny how someone who can overcome something like cancer can be completely helpless in overcoming social stigma from snotty tweens who really know nothing about life. I can't say I've kept in touch with many people from that phase of my life besides the odd person who has friended me on facebook. I don't even know if I'd recognize S. if I saw him today. I hope he's in a better place though, because we've hopefully all grown up a little.

S. you were so courageous to make it to school every day for 3 years without a friend by your side. I guess at that age you'd already experienced more than what some people will ever experience in terms of hardship. Your gentle demeanor was such a contrast to the self-created drama of the class. In some ways you were probably wise beyond your years. I wish I had gotten to know you better.