34: my internet buddy!

My blog was mentioned to me today. I know blogger is so 5 years ago, now it's all about tumblr, twitter, and the power of the re-blog (re-tweet) and (shudder) memes and other fleeting bits of entertainment. Whatever happened to original thought provoking content? It still lives here on my blog :) which is still going to be finished this year!

I don't have too many internet friends. The very term "internet friends" makes me think of "To Catch a Predator" or random chat rooms back in the day when I was still using dial-up to access the internet. I do have one that I chat with every so often because we were connected through a mutual friend playing L4D. It's weird because if I don't log on to the internet I really don't know much about what is going on his day to day. I don't imagine it differs much from what he presents me, computer programmer by day and aspiring writer, artist, game developer at night. He always has his hand dabbling in some pet project, since he finds so much more fulfillment doing things he enjoys. Being a code monkey in the morning is how he funds this other activities. 

One of his most inspiring projects was the completion of his novel. Thanks to the advent of technology and the ease of producing small quantities of customizable books he was able to publish it through Amazon. I bought a copy to support him, and it is currently sitting on my bookshelf with a bookmark in it... but it will be read. The sheer fact he put his mind to writing a piece of sci-fi and took the time to format it into a book is pretty commendable. It's not to say his day job isn't demanding either, because I'm sure it is. Kudos to him for producing something he thinks is of value and he enjoys doing. Way too many people hold back from doing things like that because they're scared of failure, but really the learning happens along the way. Failure is still a success, as in you can learn from it if you let yourself. 

Well I hope we do get to meet one day in person. In fact I will make a point to crash at his place if I end up applying/getting interviews for interesting jobs where he lives. So here's a quick lesson for anyone is afraid to reach out to people they don't really know. Don't be, everyone you know was a stranger to you once, and only when one of you reached out to get to know the other person did that change.

thirty: you are so strong!

I've spent an exorbitant amount of time on my computer this week, working on a paper and procrastinating since it is reading week. Somehow that ended up in a new sleep pattern, which was probably a good thing because I was able to chat with a friend the other night. He's not someone I'm particularly close to, we've hung out a few times, exchanged a few emails, and now we're even chatting and texting. I guess you could say we were brought together in the worst of circumstances, which is something too private to reveal online.

It's been comforting to go through some of the same stuff together though, even though our outcomes could not be any different. I wouldn't want to trade places with him, but to say I haven't imagined the possibility would be a lie. I am so amazed at how strong he has been since his world was turned upside down. He's taken time off from school and focused all his energy on what was needed of him for two years. I could barely manage through one semester... He has found ways to encourage me, even when I should be the one encouraging him. I know you can make it through this, and remember when you feel you can't take another step there are many of us who want to support you. And I promise I'll be there, I'm just 10 digits away.

Take your time to feel sad, angry, relieved, whatever. Don't deny yourself the chance a good cry. Only those who are truly strong are capable of showing their emotions and vulnerabilities. I know this is probably one of the toughest things you'll ever have to face, and it's probably extra hard when you're young. It's probably something that will always be a small trickle of conscious thought in your day-to-day but the emotions will become less intense with time. Remember you are strong and you have made it this far.

twelve: falling out

As my time at university draws to a close, it seems appropriate to do some reflection of the past 21 years. Today a sad event really sticks out in my mind, probably because this upcoming Tuesday marks our last ever friends lunch date. There's been an empty seat for quite some time now, considering it always used to be the 4 of us. I suppose even though we'd all seen each other through the awkward phases of growing up, sometimes people just grow apart. And it finally seems we've hit that point of no return, because as weird as it is that we rarely see each other any more it would probably be even weirder if you came waltzing back into my life.

I'm sure we'd have plenty of stories to tell about our past, getting a fobby haircut, random days out at the park, eating McDonald's breakfast super early in the morning, sitting outside of 7-11 like a bunch of hobos. Somewhere along the way we stopped creating stories... and we are where we are today. Strangers with a history. Things can change, but it seems with the 4 of us all moving in our own directions wishing that things could go back to how they used to be is futile. At least I have the picture on my desk to remind me of the last little bit of normal we had, you guys were just what I needed for my birthday that year. Friends to pick me up after I was stuck in a puddle of wallowing ugliness.

If there has ever been a falling out in my life I would describe as normal, this would be the closest thing. I'm sure one day when you achieve all that is that you're chasing for I'll read your name somewhere and smile and think to myself 'I knew that guy.'