twenty-nine: odd guy out

Grades 6,7,8 are generally pretty awful years for just about everyone. Puberty hits and everything seems to go awry. People who used to be friends turn into enemies are cliques are formed. Most people find their way around this time with the support of a few good friends. Others aren't so lucky, including S. I met him in grade 6 and looking back I can't even remember if I ever talked to him in the 3 years we went to school together. That's kind of sad for a small elementary and jr. high school.

S. stood out in the years when everyone is just trying to imitate the cool kids so they'll be accepted. He couldn't help it because sometime in his past he had brain cancer. His hair never quite grew back from whatever surgery he may have had, so his wispy comb-over look was definitely out of place when the look of the day was the bowl cut with the part down the middle. S also carried some baby fat, and wasn't graced with athletic talent. In the world of jr. high pecking order he was right at the bottom. People made fun of him, avoided him, ignored him, and probably made his life miserable. That much I do remember.

He kept to himself, and was perceived as socially awkward. I don't think at that time we understood that the collective whole was probably fueling this cycle of his being awkward. He never had a chance to shine, because there would always be someone around to put him down. Funny how someone who can overcome something like cancer can be completely helpless in overcoming social stigma from snotty tweens who really know nothing about life. I can't say I've kept in touch with many people from that phase of my life besides the odd person who has friended me on facebook. I don't even know if I'd recognize S. if I saw him today. I hope he's in a better place though, because we've hopefully all grown up a little.

S. you were so courageous to make it to school every day for 3 years without a friend by your side. I guess at that age you'd already experienced more than what some people will ever experience in terms of hardship. Your gentle demeanor was such a contrast to the self-created drama of the class. In some ways you were probably wise beyond your years. I wish I had gotten to know you better. 

five: was how old we were when we first met

Yay, it's Thanksgiving! To everyone who reads this: Have a great long weekend and try to think of at least one thing you're thankful for. It might just bring some additional cheer to your day.
----
I moved to a new street the year my sister was born, and for the first time I realized that kids like to play outside together on the street. I think you actually came up to my house and rang the doorbell to see if I could play with you. I don't think I was allowed to leave my lawn so we sat around and caught bugs. We ended up going to kindergarten together, and taking the school bus to school together. You always wanted to sit together and talk, which probably helped me over come some of my shyness. You were definitely my first friend in school, by virtue of us always walking home together and playing outside after school.

But kids grow up and they grow mean. By the time 1st or 2nd grade rolled around you were, sorry to break it to you, uncool in the books of many. I suppose your bursts of anger would sometimes scare the other kids, but strangely it never really bothered me. Though I do remember you throwing a chair at another kid... and found it just plain weird. I suppose back then social pressures still weren't that great so we were able to remain friends. I can still remember our first 'deep' conversation about God and life after death. I always wanted to invite you to church, but never had to courage in case you turned me down.

I remember the day we stopped being friends even more clearly. It was a cold winter day and as the oldest (gr. 2) kids at the school we had claimed our spot on the playground. The coveted corner spot that was ideal for fort building. The fort was our twisted version of an in group back then and I remember access to it was restricted to only the popular. I was lucky enough to be best friends with the girl, that the grade 2 alpha male had a crush on, so I was always allowed to hang around though never really belonging. You on the other hand would hang around on the fringes, and one day you just freaked out. I think the pressures of not belonging hit you hard, and you took off your snowjacket and declared in your tear-streaked face that if they weren't going to let you in you would sit there and freeze to death.

The kids teased and taunted you and made the situation so much worse. I watched the whole thing reach to the climax of having a teacher having to come over and resolve the issue. Fortunately recess is only so long and we were soon back in our desks and on our way to preparing for a higher education. You probably didn't talk to me that day after school... and I remember going home and crying. Crying for the injustice of how kids could treat you like that and for how I couldn't stand up for you. I wasn't a very good friend, and I wish I could say we had a happy ending. But ultimately I chose the popular kids, and you moved away after that school year to a different school.

I hope elementary school didn't scar you too much... and looking back I can't believe I wasted so much energy trying to be friends with people who probably didn't want to be my friend anyways and tossed away someone who did. This is a lesson that I still need to be reminded of sometimes.