twenty-two: my stalker/stalkee?

A friend asked me about my blog today, and since I already wrote today off as a day where I wasn't going to get any work done and I want to do things that I enjoy I thought I'd add a new post.

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Maybe it's a bit fresh to be posting this, but I feel confident that my readership had reached a nice low that this post may just got undetected. And really this is for me.

I met someone once, and it was a bit of a fairy tale. We were two strangers brought together by the strange twist of fate that is better known as Internet stalking. To be fair, it was not my fault he happened to just pop up in articles I just happened to read, and I felt a weird compulsion to message him. It seemed ok at the time, and I guess it was since, we developed some weird Internet friendship.

Maybe it should have stayed at that, but living in a city where everyone seems to know everyone we would inevitably meet. We had some epic long dates, where I felt I could just be myself and have a lot of fun doing just about anything and in some ways it just felt like it was meant to be. After all we were brought together in such an uncanny way and I felt comfortable enough within a short span of time I agreed to go to a family dinner. Trust me that is definitely not normal, since my commitment-phobia radar normally goes off at the thought of meeting the family.

We were strangely similar, yet we had enough of our own interests to make learning about each other interesting. In a lot of ways I was eerily reminded of myself in you, and one would think that would be a perfect match (at least you'd be able to understand my silent phone conversations).

I admired a lot of your qualities: your drive, your laid-back demeanor, your self-deprecating humour, your ability to get along with my friends, your independence... your ability to remain calm and collected or as some would say cold-hearted. In many ways you embodied everything I naturally want to gravitate towards being, but at the same time I know that being that person would also be my downfall.

Thanks for showing me once again how much I need other people in my life to know me on more than just a superficial level, especially those who are close to me. Thanks for reminding me that every choice has a risk, and that some of the biggest risks I have had to take have provided me with the greatest returns. Sometimes things do just happen, but sometimes you have to make them happen.Thanks for opening up at least a small part of yourself, so I know you're capable of it because one of the greatest joys is just sharing life with those around you. Thanks for making me that much closer to being able to articulate what it is I want for myself and what I want in a relationship.

twenty-one: heartbreaker

It's not every day you have the chance to meet someone who will just break your heart. Today I spent my morning on a bus collecting kids for a day program and handing out sandwiches. The bus took me to parts of town I didn't even recognize and it seemed like an entirely different city. I have never seen kids so eager to be touched and listened to.

There was one little girl who was really clingy and throughout the course of the morning she managed to tell me her life story. She is 7 going on 8, and is currently giving up sweet foods not because she's on a diet or she doesn't like them but because they make her teeth hurt. One look at the amount of missing teeth and fillings and that statement makes perfect sense. She likes going to beach, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and tickling her little sister. She seemed so oblivious to the obvious hardships of her life, besides the fact that she said she hated her dad because he was mean.

At first I was a bit turned off by the dirty clothes, the smell, and the wild hair. But since she climbed right up on my lap there wasn't much I could do... except to listen and to make conversation with her. It was actually pretty easy, and really she was just like any other kid whose world is a their oyster. This really surprised me because she was at the age where one generally becomes aware of the surrounding circumstances and hers do not seem to be in her favour. Growing up in public housing, parents' who allow their kids to go to a program where a) no criminal record check was done on myself (and probably the other volunteers as well), b) there was no training provided,and relying on others to feed her, are probably not what most people experience at that age.

I wonder what her future has in store, because it's going to be a tough one where the path of least resistance would be to repeating the footsteps of her parents. It breaks my heart that the statistics are against her and I wonder if she'll turn out ok. I hope she does.

twenty: there are benefits to being an insomniac

OK I'm going to try to do a quick blog before my new bed time deadline... So far I've moved from 6am to 4am and hopefully tonight will be 2am. I had forgotten one of the biggest benefits of staying up late is being able to catch my HK friends online and the other night I had a very interesting talk about incest, the caste system of India, and arranged marriage with one such friend.

I don't remember when I met her, but I remember many many nights of heading to the library after dinner until close, looking around for free common rooms to watch the only English TV program - C.S.I, eating McDonald's ice cream at every possible occasion, taking photos silly photos with mac's photo booth, etc. She could make the most routine tasks fun, and I have always admired how she could have good wholesome fun. Being one of the most devote Muslims I know she is one of the few I know who can balance her beliefs with a realistic life without being hypocritical.

The other night she told me of a choice she had to make, and I found her choice to be extremely challenging for me to swallow. If I were in a similar position I don't know if I would have been able to be the bigger person and brush aside my concerns for the betterment of the entire family balance. Apparently it's a cultural thing, but it is also very much a personal thing because cultural expectations are lower for those who don't grow up in the motherland (or at least that's how it is in my family).

I wish I could be more like that sometimes, less headstrong and more in tune with my cultural background. I think in some cases it is better to be submissive than to burn bridges that can never be mended. I'm proud that you were able to hold your anger in line and find other avenues to let it out without hurting your family, and I know your future has only better things to offer.

nineteen: sick day

There's nothing quite like your body crapping out after 8 months of intense 7 full year course workload. All I can say is I'm so happy this wasn't last week and since I'm basically confined to my room I can finally catch up on e-mails, phone tag, blogging, and watching Glee :) I can't remember the last time I was this sick (4 days and counting...), but I do remember an equally memorable sick day.

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One hot summer day my friends convinced me to go to the Morden Corn & Apple festival, a nice small town festival where you can eat free corn and drink free apple juice. Over all the experience was what I expected it to be some sleeping in the car, awful pictures being snapped up by camera happy Asians, good times with good friends. It was definitely a stereotypical festival in a small prairie town, complete with city folk leaving their confines of suburbia to enjoy the nice fresh country air.

Oh the nice fresh country air of farmers burning their crops... after many years of being asthma free and a diagnosis from my doctor telling me I had outgrown childhood asthma I could not stop coughing that icky gross phlegm-y smoker's cough. My friends were quick to dismiss my claims for being sick and the night proceeded like most nights out with my besties. That was until I got home... and all I could do was send them a quick text message saying I was going to the ER and then I left my phone at home because of the no cell phone policy in hospitals. (Sorry for the panic caused by that guys!!)

I can't say it was my idea to go to the hospital, so it's a good thing my dad laid down the law and drove me there at 2am. That's the kind of guy he is though, quiet but always reliable to do the things that need to be done. He may not always feel that he can talk to me, perhaps it's a bit of that awkward generation gap immigrants tend to face when their children grow up in a different culture than them, but he always makes an effort to try to communicate with me. Even if it means calling up my uncle to call me to see if I'm partying too much in LKF.

One of my favourite memories was one year for his birthday my mom and sister happened to be off jet-setting in Asia (as usual), and he decided to take me and my best friends out for dinner for his birthday. We had a great time introducing the wonders of Chinese tea and chopsticks to my friends, and it made me realize that my dad really tried to reach out to me even during my teenage years of thinking I was too cool to share my life with my parents.

While I can't remember the last time he verbally said the words 'I love you' I know his actions speak that every day. His unwavering support for my academic dalliances, my 'need' to travel to Europe, and all the overall struggles a kid can face trying to gain independence from her parents while still being very much dependent on them has been amazing. Thanks for always knowing when to push me and when to give me space. Thanks for always being a great example of what it means to care for someone, it is really touching that you and mom continually go out of your way to do things for others.

I will always remember this one lady I met at the hospital during the dinner rounds who mentioned you without even knowing that we were related. To her you were just the nice guy who helped describe her procedure in Chinese and she just wanted to know if I could speak Chinese as well. Well thanks to you I can!

eighteen: mystery woman from Winnipeg

I always hear that Winnipeg has the nicest people, and perhaps I'm a bit biased but having been to many different places I have to say there is something nice about the small town feel of home. Sometimes I miss the big city feel of Hong Kong where you can get lost in the crowd and be 1 in 7 million, but then I remember all the great things that make me have a love-hate relationship with Winnipeg. Today I have a love story.

Several months ago I was having a bit of a down day and I needed a pick-me-up so I bought myself a nice bracelet. No it wasn't just a cheap accessory from Claire's, it was a silver charm bracelet that cost less than my computer but more than my PS3 to give you an idea. The sales lady carefully wrapped it up for me and I threw it in my car to run a few errands. Little did I know that somehow it had made its way from my passenger seat to out my door and onto the muddy Costco car park.

While I was doing my grocery shopping at Costo some lady spotted the Appelt's bag in the parking lot and took the time to find my name and address on the receipt. She then delivered it to my house and returned the bag to my very confused sister. I can honestly say that's something that has only ever happened to me in Winnipeg. It's so nice to live in a place where people are moving at a pace that allows them to take a detour in their plans to drop off a lost item. I never got to thank this mysterious woman who seriously made my day and saved me from panicking over loosing something that has quite a bit of sentimental value. So here is my thanks, and I will always think of you when I am given a chance to pay it forward with something nice =)

XVI - catch up time!

So I hit a bit of a blogging fail once school started up and I didn't even post any canned entries for quite some time. So it's now time to catch up or I'll never make it to 100!

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I recently read an article in the WSJ about breaking up with a friend and I was reminded of such a person in my life. Looking back I can say the feelings I have now are very different than a break up from a romantic relationship, or even a natural falling out between friends growing apart. I hope this friend realizes one day that for my sake I had to end it but it doesn't mean I haven't learned a lot from her, even now I can say we've spent many more years as friends than we have as acquaintances.

One of the characteristics I most admire and at the same time shy away from is your extreme self-reliance. You are the definition of a self-empowered woman, and your confidence is the kind that can blow people away. Over all the years I have never seen you fail to attain a goal you have set and you have worked so hard for all you have gained. You are incredibly powerful with your influence and that was the beginning of the end. I wish I could be more like you sometimes, but relying on others to help me has become a routine in my life... and I really needed you there for some hard times but you weren't there.

I know we had a bit of a routine, I was the cheery happy-go-lucky one, and you were the realistic somewhat pessimistic one. I don't know if we are both the same people today and I hope you haven't become more jaded in your views of the world. My fondest memory of you will always been our random conversations dissecting the male mind and over analyzing every encounter we had with a potential interest. It was always fun to mask any dissappointment with the fact we were both going to be successful professionals that did not need a relationship to fill any gaps in our lives.

However when I realized you still held a grudge against an ex five years after the fact and after a awfully short relationship I knew I could not go through my first break up with you. I'm sad to think I had to lose you as a friend to move on from my own ex, but I don't think I could be who I am today if I was still holding a grudge or any kind of bad feelings towards him. I know my first serious boyfriend did not live up to your expectations, or mine, but I also know that holding on to any angry feelings would prevent me from moving on. I hope you too have been able to let go of all the hurts you've been hiding under your confidence... i.m.u.

seventeen: he lives at the library

Since starting law school I've had the chance to meet a whole bunch of new people, and at first it was a bit overwhelming trying to remember the names of people but there are always a few that stick out. I think I first noticed the library man one day in the lounge and I asked someone who he was, and someone mentioned something about doing research at the library every day. At first I thought that meant he was on the staff, as some of the librarians do do their own research in such a research intensive faculty. But then I started working there and noticed he seemed to spend most of his time wondering around, photocopying and writing things out the good old fashioned way with pen and paper.

Of course he was the one who noticed a change in the scenery, that being me joining the library workforce and he started to chat it up with me. He seemed quite knowledgeable of the staff at the school, and may have attended U of M/Robson Hall. So it got me thinking who is this character? So far I know he does independent research and has published some stuff, he stays every day at the library until closing and he gets there around 10am, he wears a sweater and dress pants every day, and he eats at Degree's, or UC. He also seems to love to talk, though the library isn't exactly the best place to do so. He also seems to have a genuine desire to get to know people and it seems that everyone who spends enough time at the library will become acquainted with him.

So how is a seemingly random influential? I think it's pretty cool that he just does his own thing, even though some may regard it as weird to spend your time hanging out at a law school library everyday (though I could be wrong because I've only worked 5 shifts thus far). I'm sure he has his reasons and to be of that age and to find something you're passionate about to work on everyday is pretty rare. That thirst for knowledge is also refreshing, especially amongst some classmates who think they know it all (I'm sure the exams will show them!) I wish I was more passionate about my studies to the point where staying at the library until closing doesn't feel like the worst thing in the world and my mind is constantly thinking about the other things I could be doing. I look forward to seeing him around the next 3 years, and it felt nice when I started working that someone actually noticed I was there (since there have been no student initiated computer queries).